Its been a long while between posts, but that
doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about leadership. In fact, a couple of weeks ago I gave a presentation to the Ogilvy Toronto Account Group on exactly
that topic.
Before archiving the presentation, I realized that it
might be worth sharing parts of it on this blog. I'll do it over 2-3 posts
since the entire presentation was about 4200 words.
Here's post #1:
Good Ways to be a Bad Leader
One of the ways that I’ve learned about leadership
is through the various jobs I’ve worked over the years. There are plenty
of wise people who've spent years if not decades in universities, think tanks
and companies studying and practicing leadership. I, on the other hand, decided to take a
different path.
Until I got into advertising, I worked some of the
worst jobs under the worst leaders known to humankind. And I believe to
this day that did it entirely on purpose.
What better way to learn about leadership than from "anti-leaders"
whose sole purpose in life was the mastery of ineptitude? All I had to do
was watch them carefully and then do the exact opposite.
So here’s a few lessons I've learned on how to be good
at being bad:
Never leave your office
Being visible, communicating and connecting with
your team is completely overrated. Why leave the safety and comfort of your office
when there’s a whole world of problems outside? Better to let someone else
deal with them.
Offices are super
comfortable too. With the door shut no one will interrupt you while you watch kitten videos on YouTube.
Don’t accept responsibility for anything
It’s brilliant when you can find others to blame
for mistakes, especially those who are more junior than you.
Scapegoats are
everywhere – you just need to ferret them out.
Remember to put
yourself first and protect your position of power at all times. Be
accountable for nothing.
Apply generous helpings of your temper
There’s nothing more satisfying than isolating
people and humiliating them to get what you want. Make sure to get angry in
group settings for the greatest effect.
Comrade Stalin had had it right: rule with an iron fist and a volcanic temper
and you can bring an entire nation to its knees.
Force your methods and beliefs on others
When you see someone that’s not doing something the
way you’d do it make sure to get in their face and show them how to do it
right. It’s your job to set people straight when it comes to moral, political and
religious beliefs.
If they believe in gay marriage, tell them how
wrong it is. If they’re Muslim, make them a good Catholic.
Good leaders gain respect by force, not by earning
it.
Don’t listen
You didn’t get to be the boss because you don’t
know anything. In fact, you know everything, so why bother paying attention to
anyone. You spent years listening to the bullshit that your bosses told you so
now it's your turn to spread some cowpat.
Cruise
Making it into a leadership position is hard
work. So when you get there its time to stop.
Put your feet up on the chaise, order a margarita
and sit back and admire the view. Occasionally rise to play a game of shuffle puck
with other leaders. Do not associate with the riffraff on the lower decks.
Put a collar on positivity and praise
Optimistic people get taken advantage of all the
time so drop the good attitude if you ever had one in the first place.
Whatever you do, DO NOT let anyone on your team believe
they have value or are making a contribution. It’ll go to their head and pretty soon
they’ll be after your job.
Leave ethics for the righteous and compassion for
the wimps
The golden rule of leadership is that you have to
get dirty to get to the top. And it’s vital to stay dirty when you’re
there. If deception and manipulation were good for Machiavelli then they’re
good for you.
Let’s face it, if you don’t do it someone else
will.
And never ever show empathy. Business is business. That’s
it. If someone brings their personal life to the office then tell them to suck
it up and get back to work.
And of course never help anyone in a jam.
You know and I know they won’t return the favour.
